November 19th, 2022

 I have neglected this blog since it's onset. Too busy, too busy writing on other parts of the Internet, too busy working, working working, too busy reading and listening to music and shopping and worrying -- always worrying.

No matter.

On Friday, the weather turned cold and itt snowed. The snow stuck and it's been sub-zero temperatures evr since. Not unusual at all for this time of year, but still it came as a surprise. Time is running so fast, as it tends to do as you get older. 

Despite my chilly digits and feet, I quite like the snow. It adds light to the world (sunset today is going to be at 4 o'clock sharp) and does something to offset the seasonal affective disorder that at times plagues me. I love just lying around on a cold day reading, writing and listening to music. I love making home-made chicken soup (just a bunch of celery root, celery, carrots, parsley root and chicken boiled for a couple of hours with whatever herbs and spices we have thrown in.) and eating it. I love eating other people's soup. I love drinking hot fruit tea to keep me warm and so on.

So it was no surprise today that when you (Lukas) suggested we go to swimming pool my first reaction was chagrin. I didn't want to leave the house and venture out in the cold to get wet and then venture out into the cold again.

But then. remembered. I have been having a bad time with my back lately, and for several weeks it was aching terribly almost to the point where I couldn't function: I did have to call in several days, but htey were all light days, days when I only had one or two classes -- luckily the back pain seems to coincide with local state and school holidays so that half the time I had the day off anyway. I still managed to work far more than I have for years despite all this, mainly becuase two thirds of my weekly hours are concentrated on Monday and Tuesday. 

Anyway, while my back was out, at weekends, I remember fervently wishing that I could go swimming with you, because we always have a little fun playing around,  and it's about the only time we really talk about anything; and I'm acutely aware of the fact htat the time is coming when you won't want to go with me and will probably spend more time stuck in your room or hanging out with your friends. 

So after a minute thinking about it, I agreed to go the pool with you. 

We went (Jana had gone to her aunt's for her birthday party -- her aunt is in her eighties I believe) and while there we talked about our upcoming trip to America. You are really looking forward to it, and I think that the very word "America" conjures up a sort of magical, glamorous connotations to you that it doesn't for me. I remember when we were landing in Chicago in 2019, you said "Would you like to live here?" I said, "No. It's an exciting city, I'm sure, like all cities, but it's too hot in the summer time and too cold int he wintertime. I meant Chicago. You meant America in general. You said "I would like to live here!"

When we left, amusingly, you said "I like America. But there are too many rules and it's too hot."

This time, you want to try pepperoni pizza ("It looks so good on Tik Tok videos!") and you want to hang with your cousins, two of whom are roughly your own age...maybe three of whom, actually.

"What are we going to do there?" You asked. "Well," I said, "you might play a lot of games with your cousins, we'll have pepperoni pizza...maybe we'll see a movie. If you want to maybe you can spend the night with Liam and Gabe one night" "What movie?" "I don't know. I think there will probably be a new Marvel movie that comes out around Christmas, though." 

In truth I haven't really thought much about what we're going to do other than let you hang out with your cousins and get the experience from that side of the family that you never have. And I know that's what you're most looking forward to. Maybe we'll go swimming there, too, although the last time we swam at a public pool in America it was miserable (super crowded and lifeguards very strict -- no stricter than they were when I was your age, but I didn't have another country to compare it to then. Honzik ,your brother is a lifeguard, now. For the most part he just sits around looking at his phone, though he has other duties (clearning, setting deck chiars out, and the like.) Quite a different world from the regimental strictures of America: free, in theory, but insurance sets de facto boundaries  where the law does not.

We carried on. The last time we went swimming, it was right before the school year started and we talked about how much we dreaded it (though I detected a little bit of excitement and hopefulness about it -- seeing your friends, the hope of haivng a new home-room teacher (or "class teacher" as they are called here.) The fear of having the hardest Czech teacher in the school, though I personally think it will end up being good for you since Mommy says that you lag behind a little bit, especially when it comes to declensions in complex sentences -- which must seem so unnecessary to the part of your mind that speaks English....

The real reason I love swimming, even in the dead of winter, is these talks we have. 

As we lfet I let you buy a couple of snacks: that sweet licorice like candy and Kofola. AS we walked outside, shivering, I said, "well that was fun." And you said "I knew you would have a good time if we went."

I don't know if you realize how many times I've said that to you.

We went home and you made ice, though by the time you went to bed the ice still hadn't formed nad you had already drunk the Kofola. You went upstairs, dressed for bed and tucked yourself in. At 8.30, I asked if everything was ok, you said you were already in bed.